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Posts Tagged ‘Marriage’

Just How Bad is Your Spouse?

01 Jun

The choice of getting a divorce is a serious matter.  If affects not only the people getting divorced but also family members, including children if the couple has them. Even though there isn’t a perfect marriage, it is certain, that some marriages are better than others. 

This decision is usually more difficult if the person you are thinking of parting ways with, is an okay person.  If your spouse has bad habits, such as drug and alcohol addiction, then this decision is easier.  Also, if your spouse abuses you or has bad character which causes them to commit crimes, like murder, then this decision is also easier.  Sometimes, it is very obvious that divorce is the best option. 

The hardest choice is when your husband or wife’s a decent individual.  Maybe you can’t identify specific problems with your spouse but you still find them irritating.  Thus, the choice is hardest to make when you  think that your partner is a good person.  If you just desire to depart from your mate, because you think they are irritating, or they just don’t turn you on now, then you should reconsider.  

Living with someone is always difficult, because everyone has their own particularities; there is no such thing as a ‘perfect human being’.   There are good times and bad times in every marriage. It seems that people now expect their spouses to go above and beyond for them be it through basic providing, entertaining, or their own appearance.  This isn’t very realistic. 

Unless your marriage is horrible and your spouse is horrible you should just stay in the marriage and not get divorced.  You should probably lower your standards and be grateful that there is someone willing to listen to you and sty with you, because you are probably annoying too and you arent going to get much better than what youve got right now.  Search the good about your husband or wife rather than finding their irritating habits. 

If you get divorced, you might regret it for the rest of your life.  You might never find anyone else, and may die alone.  It’s preferable to have a spouse when you’re dying, even if they can be irritating.  It’s better to have something smaller now than something bigger in the future. 

Plus, if your spouse is a decent person, you will live with the guilt of having broken their heart, or worse yet, you will live with regret because you can’t find anyone else to marry.  It’s just easier not to get divorced, the grass is not always greener on the other side.  Sometimes, the grass is old and dried up.

If you find this interesting, you can learn more about my experience as an top divorce lawyer in Austin TX. You may also want to ask for our Austin Divorce Guide CD at TruslerLegal.com. If you need other answers, you can take a look at our Austin TX divorce FAQ’s.

 
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Irresponsible and Excessive Drinking, an Enabling Wife, Encouragement for Helpful Change and Successful Alcohol Dependency Counseling, and Much Better Communication in Her Marriage

20 May

It took more than a few years but Emily finally decided that she had enough with her husband’s hazardous and abusive drinking. She was sick of seeing Barry come home late at night from drinking rather than spending time with her and their three daughters. She was also fed up from the DWI Barry recently received. Additionally she was fed up from manufacturing reasons for her spouse when he couldn’t make it to the office due to his problems with drinking. Not only this but she was nervous and depressed about the fact that their relationship was deteriorating due to Barry’s unhealthy drinking. And finally she was worn-out from the precarious financial situation into which he had placed his family because of his abusive and unhealthy drinking behavior. In sum, Emily felt that her mental health was fading away due to Barry’s drinking problems.

When Hazardous and Excessive Drinking Motivates a Person to do Something Beneficial About an Individual’s Drinking Problem

One Monday evening when Emily was reflecting on what she could do about her husband’s excessive and abusive drinking, she got to the point that she simply had to do something positive to cut into the damaging cycle of Barry’s careless drinking behavior.

So she looked online under “alcohol rehab” and found several treatment clinics that were all located less than 35 miles away from where Barry and she resided. Because she didn’t know much at all about these treatment clinics, she eventually made up her mind that she needed to call some of them and ask some questions. When she called each rehabilitation facility she introduced herself and articulated that her husband was involved in careless and abusive drinking behavior. She also said that her husband had a top quality health insurance program at work and that outpatient or residential alcohol addiction rehab would be covered if a health care professional in the company health plan prescribed the rehab.

At one rehabilitation center, Emily was astonished that she was able to communicate directly with a doctor who asked her to come to the rehab center to describe her husband’s careless and excessive drinking behavior in much more detail.

Emily Talks to a Healthcare Professional About Her Husband’s Excessive Drinking

When Emily got to the rehab center, she filled out some forms and then after approximately five or ten minutes got to see a psychologist. After listening to Emily talk about her husband’s careless and abusive drinking, the healthcare professional in an accommodating but firm manner explained to Emily how she probably played a role in her spouse’s hazardous drinking through the years by minimizing his drinking behavior instead of allowing him to go through the consequences of his excessive and hazardous drinking behavior.

Emily Finds Out She Has Been Enabling Her Husband’s Excessive and Hazardous Drinking

More to the point, the physician told Emily that she may have been inadvertently enabling Barry’s careless drinking behavior. The psychologist also highlighted the fact that even though Emily would not be able to control her spouse’s behavior, with the encouragement and support of the rehabilitation team at the rehab facility she would not only be able to learn how to refrain from contributing to Barry’s abusive and unhealthy drinking but she would also be able to learn how to encourage him to make an appointment at the rehabilitation clinic so that he could discuss his careless and abusive drinking behavior with a physician.

Fortunately after Emily revealed this to Barry, and he saw that she was not joking, Barry told her that he had been quite worried about his careless drinking behavior and that he was somewhat pleased to learn that Emily wanted to do something helpful about his unhealthy drinking behavior. As a result, he made an appointment to see a psychologist at the local alcohol rehab facility. Needless to say this enhanced Emily’s positive attitude about herself.

Barry Agrees to Meet With a Psychologist About His Irresponsible Drinking

While simply calling a rehab center does not guarantee that an individual’s problem drinking behavior will end or that one’s warning signs of alcoholism or the alcohol abuse signs one displays will simply disappear, scheduling an appointment is undoubtedly a required feature in the rehab process. And due to the fact that Barry was serious about getting professional help for his careless and hazardous drinking, the likelihood of a successful recovery was considerably increased.

 
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Marriage is a Partnership, and Love is part of a Contract

13 Jan

The Evolution of Marriage

If you go back a century or so, you’ll see how different marriage was than it is today. Recall the dowry? A dowry was the gift of money or property a woman had to bring to her husband in marriage. Marriage was a business arrangement, and the dowry was reflected the “worth” of his bride, though she was technically not a person, but property. Somewhere along the line marriage changed. The 20th century saw a new phenomenon – people marrying for love. Though that may sound romantic, it also brought about heightened divorce rates that skyrocketed throughout the later part of the century. People are waking up to the deceptions that love can at times present, and getting somewhat back to the idea of marriage having a financial component.

Marriage is a Business

It may not sound romantic, but marriage is a business. There are a few things to be aware of these days when it comes to nuptials:

  • How does each spouse feel about saving?
  • How does each spouse feel about spending?
  • Is there to be a joint account, or separate accounts?
  • Is there to be a house account along with separate accounts?
  • How much should be given to charity?
  • How much should you put towards retirement?
  • How much should be put into college funds?
  • How much should you put in the emergency fund? When should it be tapped into?

These are some of the questions that every couple about to marry must discuss. There must be consistency in the answers, even if they don’t match. Can you live with a spouse who wants to save 12 percent of your paychecks when you want to save 10 percent? Probably. But if your spouse is accustomed to only saving three percent, you may have a problem.

The Prenuptial Agreement

Should you get a prenup or not? Granted, this is another “unromantic” issue, but if marriage is to be looked at as a business, it’s a necessary one to discuss. Today, the trend is for couples to wait to marry until they’re older. This shows that a general sense, there are more assets between each to distribute if the marriage dissolves. Have a plan in place before problems arise is the best idea for people in general, and doubly so for couples. Remember to stay calm, and have discussions that are rational and fair, as couples that broke up usually don’t. Emotions fuel difficulties.

Preparing Your Financial Marriage Agreement

To prepare a financial marriage agreement, look at the following list:

  1. Find out your financial starting point as a couple. Though it can get painful, get your credit reports and discuss them. Figure out a strategy to fix problems, and pay off debt.
  2. Start a savings plan to reach your goals. For instance, a couple wants to buy a starter home in three years – they must figure out how much to save as of NOW. A financial calculator can show you what you need to put away.
  3. Figure out who is going to be in charge of everyday finances. In every marriage there is one person who pays bills and expenses and oversees the monthly bills. Of course major decisions are done together, but there is no reason for both partners to pay the electricity bill together.
  4. You have to learn to work out conflicts, financially and otherwise. Inevitably there will be issues that arise that create differing opinions. Be committed to listening and compromising when it comes to money.

A marriage does blend the finances of two people. Knowing what the strategy is to move into the future is an important one. All couples should sit down and have an honest discussion about what their goals are and then find ways to reach them together.

 
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